Decisions, decisions...

As I continually think about the upcoming summer (a habit I have been in since college began...planning my life summer to summer) I am in a constant internal tug-o-war about what to do.

My two main options are both things that I LOVE and have devoted myself to over some time, but both conflict with each other and I cannot do both.  I am sick of the phrase "I'm praying about it" because, although I am...constantly praying over it...it is not ok to hold off on making a decision for too much longer.

Camp Greystone or Teens Westward Bound?!?!

Let's start with Teens Westward Bound.

In 2004 (junior in high school, here), I got nominated by my friend Justin Carroll to go on this 23 day, cross country experience of a lifetime.  The only thing I knew about this trip was that:

1. you had to sleep outside for most of the time
2. you had to cook for yourself
3. you get to hike the Grand Canyon and see America and,
4. my friends could not stop talking about it.

Now, at that point, I did not have anything to camp with other than my American Girl sleeping bag that I used at sleepovers.  I also had only begun learning how to cook and my list of things I could cook included toast and eggs.  And a mean grilled cheese.  Also, at that point, I had only been away from mom and dad for about 10 days (but trust me, I was NOT a home body and was pumped about the trip!)

In more words that I could ever describe, this trip molded me into the person I am today.  It took me from being a "nice" person, to being someone who put others' needs before myself.  Having to depend on other people taught me to trust others.  Being away from my parents helped me learn how to do things on my own.  Being away from my friends gave me FREEDOM. Freedom from high school drama, freedom to explore life outside of Barnwell (population 5,000) and freedom to learn about myself in a way that no other trip could have done.  It's a huge part of my life.  The moment I returned after those 23 days I declared  that I would return one day as a counselor, no questions asked.  It was a no-brainer.  The moment I graduated college I would return.

The rules for returning as a staff member were pretty clear: You have to be 21 or older and a former participant (with preference given to college grads, especially those that have shown how they work with kids throughout college)

In an effort to work with students as much as possible and serve the Lord in the process, I began looking for summer camp options during my freshman year of college.  Enter, Camp Greystone in my life.

Here's how the Lord worked in this situation (totally a God thing):

I was sitting in my college ministry one Sunday and another camp's director came recruiting.  It looked like an amazing way to serve the Lord and have fun at the same time (while also not going home all summer to my parents' house...since they had just moved to a new town).  I had always idolized my counselors at camps growing up, so I knew that was right up my alley.  I had an interview with that camp and was so stoked then, the day before my Spring Break trip to San Fran, I got the "thanks, but no thanks" letter.  Really?? Rejected?? I was SO confused, and it really threw me for a loop.  I had never failed at getting chosen for anything (unless you count the middle school cheerleading fiasco)  and I began to doubt whether God really was calling me to camp.  On the trip, a "mentor" of mine (aka: a senior FCA girl who I looked up to more than anyone at that time) told me in faith that God had something better planned for me.  Little did I know that the next week, I would stumble upon Greystone's website after hearing that they needed people to work this one week camp called "Junior Camp."  It sounded like fun, one week at camp being a counselor? Cool.  So I applied.

I got a call a few days later from a lady named Kelly (ha, the one and only Kelly Carew) and the rest is history.  She told me that "one week camp is fun, but you might be interested in coming for the whole summer."  I decided to step out in faith and listen to the Lord.  He had provided, now it was time for me to go somewhere I had NEVER heard of for nine weeks of the summertime away from my family and friends.

I didn't know how much I could fully devote myself to something until I worked at Greystone.  I spent four amazing summers of my college life at that place...and throughout those summers I have had some MAJOR ups and downs.  Who would think it's possible to laugh and simultaneously cry your eyes out at an all girls summer camp? Who would think that God would be able to break you so much and make you see yourself so clearly? So much for a care free summer teaching canoeing, I became invested in the lives of those girls.  So much so, that they are still a part of my life now.  The counselors uplift and encourage me like no small group has ever done for me.  They are, without a doubt, some of the most amazing, beautiful, selfless, hard working women in the world.

I started Camp Greystone with the end goal in mind: being a counselor on the greatest trip and sharing that experience with 80 new kids.  What I failed to realize is just how significantly my heart would fall for the girls at Camp Greystone.  And I mean...significantly fall.

For Summer 2010, I decided that it was my time to try Teens Westward Bound.  Instead of returning for my fifth summer at Camp, I convinced myself that TWB was everything that I had been waiting for all these years.  In the back of my mind, it was always the launching point for me being interested in camp anyways (so I thought), so I needed to give it a try.  It was incredible watching 82 high schoolers go through the same refining process I did, but my heart was no longer solely devoted to that trip.  When we weren't caught up in crazy amounts of travelling, my thoughts would linger back to camp.  I realized this past summer just how much a part of my life they both are.

I could legitimitly talk about both Teens Westward Bound and Camp Greystone for HOURS UPON HOURS, and will gladly do so if you want to chat it up. The point is, WHERE is God wanting me to serve this summer? What does He have up His sleeve that I can't predict?  What is my role in the big picture he has designed? How can I be used most effectively in the time that I have available this summer?

I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah's story in the Old Testament, where Sarah was barren and knew that He had promised He would give Abraham a son.  She took matters into her own hands by offering up another woman for him to have a child with.  She thought that was God's will.  I'm not comparing my situation to Sarah not being able to have a child, but she had to have faith that God would provide a solution and an answer.  If you've heard the story, you know that at around 90 years old, Sarah was blessed with a child (after doubting that God was for real about His promise)  who would be called Isaac.  Beautiful stories throughout their whole lives about having faith and patience to wait for God's answer, and also of real struggles of faith to wait for His time.

"He (Abraham) was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises." Romans 4:21

I am fully convinced that God will (I started to type "I will" but realize it's not my call at all) provide an answer, I am just waiting for His time and trying to seek what is best.  The times when I am not seeking His will are the times of most turmoil within myself.   I know that both will be great opportunities for me to pour into sweet, broken, unsure of themselves, awkward, AMAZING students' lives, I just and praying for some direction as to which one to choose.

(not so) Patiently waiting, Kathryn